Curtains

how can i enhance my writing?

Posted on 23. Aug, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

4

here’s a short part of the first chapter.Tell me my main defects in the narrative,and how to avoid them.(i’m 16)

Chapter1

It was nearly midnight. A tall, broad shouldered man walked down the gravel lane. On both sides of the lane grew lush, newly irrigated grass. The man climbed the first two stony steps, bulging out of the ground in front of the oak door. The house was silent under the glimmering stars. The man knocked twice with his knuckles, and waited. Nothing stirred, for a few seconds, inside the house, but a moment later the yellowish light of the living room filtered through the drawn curtains of the front window, and the door swung open.

A man in his sleeping pajamas gazed at the unexpected guest. ”Byron??”As the nearly awake man spoke in vivid astonishment, the guest pushed forward without even being invited. His black, leather coat ruffled behind him casting a dark shadow under the light of the living room where, a moment later, he was standing. The man closed the door, and followed his guest with dismay over his bony, long face. The guest took off his coat and threw it over one of the long couches. His round face was reddish under the heat of the small lamp that swayed down the ceiling over his head, where a few white hairs spiked out on both sides, just above his long ears.

Byron gazed up at the man who seemed to be struggling to pull himself off a long sleep.He kept on rubbing his eyes,that were rimmed with with blue circles.

“Won’t you show me some hospitality Elliot?.It had been a long time since last I saw you,ten years,I guess” Byron said,sitting on the coach beside his coat”I’m not here to waste my time.There’s an old unsettled business I need to finish with you”

“There is nothing for you to settle with me Byron.I’ve abandoned your filthy business a long time ago,and I won’t meddle in it once again”.Elliot turned towards the entrance door,and opened it wide” I think that you need to leave”

Byron pushed himself off the couch,and pointed towards the wooden staircase standing a few cms at the end of the living room.”I guess that victor will be happy to know the nature of his father’s work,won’t he??” Byron smirked at Elliot”I know many ways through which I can find victor and tell him the truth,guess what he’ll be ashamed of his father.I can simply go up right now,wake victor,and tell him every single detail of our filthy business,”Byron walked towards Elliot with his hands dipped inside his jeans pockets,and whispered in Elliot’s ear”and you won’t be able to stop me”

A moment of silence passed,with Elliot staring right into Byron’s deep, blue eyes, that were strikingly similar to Elliot’s eyes.Elliot considered the warning for a second.If victor knows anything about him,for sure,he’ll reconsider their relation as a father and son, besides,any secret of Elliot’s past being slipped into victor’s ears would undoubtly throw victor into great jeopardy, and Elliot daren’t risk his only son’s life.

“Fine Byron. follow me”. Byron raised his eyebrows triumphantly as Elliot approached a white curtain hanging down from the ceiling. He tore the curtain down to ,wooden door appeared .Elliot turned the bronze knob remembering the key. He dipped his hands into his pajamas coat and took out a black, iron key. His hands fell under the heaviness of the key, but Elliot managed to poke it into the door, and turn it open.

Byron walked forward into the office sensing something, with the back of his hand, inside his left thigh pocket. From inside the office, Elliot twisted his head over the door, running his eyes anxiously up and down the silent living room, making sure that Victor wasn’t strolling somewhere in the house, then he closed the door quietly.

“what do you want then” Elliot said locking the door, and slidding the key back in his pajamas pocket,and glaring at Byron who sat down crossed legged,behind the red fire of the hearth, in an old arm chair.” finish it Byron,or else….”

“or what Crow?? speak.” Elliot stole a contemptuous look around.The room was quiet. Nothing stirred, save for the fire eating at the thick branches of wood at the fireplace.

Elliot pulled out a chair from an oval table. The table was laden with all kinds of slithery tubes, colorful mixtures, and huge tomes of advanced math.Over one of the dusty covers, a magnifying glass, with a red haft was placed. Elliot slid the magnifying glass carefully into his pocket, and sat down facing Byron, who took out a pipe, lighted it up, and blowed out fumes with the shape of a heart,;they wifted in a zigzag line towards Elliot and vanishing after colliding with his shoulder.

“Still playing with your old set Elliot, I can’t help but remember the old memories”

“finish it Byron” Elliot interrupted placing his elbows on the wooden arms of the chair

“fine Elliot”Byron blew harder at his pipe, that perched at the left corner of his mouth.Byron took the p

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What do you think of my story, 'Shadow'?

Posted on 09. Jul, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

1

I have asked before about this one, and after your comments I changed it a bit and added more to it. I will show you the next part that I wrote and I hope you can give me constructive criticism. Tell me which parts you like, dislike and how to change it in detail. Oh and by saying that I am only 14, I am not fishing for compliments, just stating a fact

‘The clock ticked nine; my mum was never usually this late. I picked up my mobile and rang my mum’s number. It rang and rang and rang. I sighed, trying to keep the panic from rising. My mum was fine, and she probably left her mobile somewhere, maybe misplaced it. I decided to go and get ready for bed.
I got out the shower, listening to silence. It was scary. Deafening silence. I didn’t like it at all. I peered at the clock in the hallway, it was ten now. “Mum” I called out, breaking the silence. Nothing. I tightened the towel and made my way down the stairs. “Mum” I said it quieter this time, it was uncomfortable shouting, it wasn’t right. Downstairs was dark, not how I left it, that really creeped me out. I ran up the stairs and flung my mum’s bedroom door open, maybe she came in when I was in the shower and was so tired that she went to sleep. The room was lit by the moon, glistening through the white curtains. I looked at the bed, it was made and untouched. Panic was rising, my heart beating faster. I sprinted to my room collapsing onto my bed, fumbling for my phone which I kept under my pillow, I dialled my mum’s number again but there was still no answer. Well, maybe she had a late shift, but she would tell me wouldn’t she? Maybe she doesn’t expect me to get worried? I decided to wait until midnight, if she still wasn’t back, I would call her office. Which I could find in the yellow pages, wait…Brilliant Tyler, you genius! I skipped down the stairs again into the living room and reached for the light switch, it wouldn’t work; I pressed it up and down. Nothing. Probably a power cut, great, at least that explains how the lights mysteriously turned themselves off whilst I was in the shower. Though the lights upstairs work. I made my way in the dark and reached for the yellow pages, grabbing the thickest and hoping it was the right one. I then made my way into the kitchen and opened a cupboard to grab a torch; just in case upstairs had no light. I wasn’t scared of the dark, but it wasn’t comforting either, not when you’re by yourself at home.
I dialled the number. Nothing. It rang and rang and rang. Okay. Now this was very…Uncomfortable. I felt uneasy. How could no one answer the phone? Someone always answered the phone, usually it was the receptionist Grace, one of mums many friends. If not her it would be someone else milling around the building. Always, not once would the phone not be answered. Come to think of it, Grace always answered the phone, it was her job right? Just in case I dialled again. Nothing. I couldn’t just stay home. I kept saying to myself that maybe they too had a power cut…Wait…So the house phone just worked and the lights didn’t? Now things were getting really weird but I didn’t want to question it. I knew something was really wrong. But I still lied to my instinct, I lied that everything was okay when deep down in my gut, I knew it wasn’t. But I did however follow my instinct. I grabbed a sweater and a pair of denim shorts, grabbed my keys, slipped on shoes, and through the door. I stopped short. How do I get to the building that my mother worked in? It was all the way in town. I glanced around our street lamp lit driveway, something looked different. It took me a moment to realise what. Mum’s car was in the driveway. How was it? How did she get to work then? Lift from someone else. Or another question, what if she wasn’t at work? I could do many things right now. Get in the car and drive it even with ought a driving licence. I’m sure if I got caught they would understand that this is an emergency? My mum would understand. Or I could stay home and wait. But I knew that I couldn’t do that. Or I could call the police, but they would just say I have to wait 24 hours before they could do anything about it. I mean reporting a missing daughter, yeah but an adult who everyone knew well, an adult who was an independent women with no problems whatsoever, and adult that, takes her life one day at a time and smiles to absolutely everyone. Why would she go missing, she wouldn’t run away, and even if someone. Something had got her, they wouldn’t do much about it yet and when they do it, it could already be too late.
If my mother wasn’t in the office, then where could she be? But I knew I had to go and check, all of my instincts agreed, if not my logic, but. My logic did agree. So that was it. Decided. I clicked open the door of my mum’s white Lamborghini and…I gulped…My mum may not be so understanding if I crashed the car. I drove out of the driveway so slow that it wasn’t really driving…’

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what shall i do to make my room look better?

Posted on 30. Jun, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

1

right…i hav puprle walls, a bunk bed…wid purple/ blue bed sheets…under my bed i hav a futon with a purple throw on, blue curtains, a wooden desk with a computer and a pink lamp on, a wardrope and a chest…..im 13 btw and i LOVE nature!!!…wat can i do 2 make it look nicer??….any ideas on wall colours…also im trying 2 make it a more relaxing place to b….any ideas will b appreciated..thank you xx

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redoing my bedroom a little help?

Posted on 19. May, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

3

Okay first my bedroom is my everything not just a room I sleep in -_-
anyway
I wrote a list of the first things that came to my mine here it is
red
black
hot pink
neon green
wolf/husky
dark
history
unique
colored lights
office (im going to do some business stuff and dont have a home office)
vampires
glitter
Egypt
lamps
rugs
curtains
canopy
shoes (have lots)
cd (lots)
tv
Billy Joe (boyfriend)
becky (bestfriend)
art (becky is an artist)

can someone help me with all of that
I am a bit on the goth/emo side
yes I know those are not the same thing -_-
my bedroom is a decent size
please help me I need ideas for my bedroom
wall colors
bed
desk
everything!

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Paint colour advice please?

Posted on 18. May, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

6

Which would be best colour of wall paint to comliment green leather furniture in a room that doesn’t get much light, has cream flooring, curtains and a cream marble fireplace? There is a rust/red Persian rug in front of the fireplace and the room adjoins dining and kitchen area. Kitchen has more light and cream cupboards and preparation island. Dining room has a glass door leading to garden, so also bright with Danish Pine hand carved furniture, honey coloured. I just feel that the room needs brightening and advice on adding the correct colour of cushions would also be much appreciated.Throws are out, as they tend to slip from leather. The other furniture in the room consists of the same shade of above mentioned Danish pine with bookcase,glass cabinet and matching tables either side of sofa. Lighting is soft with use of lamps dotted around, but not overhead lighting, as too hostile.
Hope this basic mental picture will help you to help me! Thanks in anticipation of a response.

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So want an opinion about a short story. Wrote a scary story what do you think?

Posted on 24. Apr, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

8

The girls where excited it was the end of the school year. Today was the last day of school and Julie,14 planned on having a great party that night to hit off the summer vacation So at around 11pm three girls are huddled around a T.V. watching scary movies. Earlier in the evening the girls recall a sound distinctly like scraping against the window but just dismiss it as a branch from the tree outside.. As the hours grow late the girls get tired. A thunder storm rolls in for a few hours keeping the girls wake a bit. At around 3am the girls are passed out in their sleeping bags huddled up for slumber. Outside a sinister presence is lurking. At around 3:39am Julie got up to use the bathroom. As she sneaks her way past her sleeping friends and tiptoes past her parents room, her brothers room, down the hall to the bathroom. It is completely quiet in the house. Julie flips on the light and does her business. As she washes her hands she feels this eeriness surrounding her. She shudders as she realizes how cold it is. So she goes to check the thermostat in the living room.

Making her way down the dark hall way she feels a draft come swirling past her. As she approaches the living room she notices something reflecting on the floor in the moonlight. Then she sees it. The glass all over the floor and a large tree branch laying on the floor. The sliding glass door had been broken open. The curtains swaying as the outside windows blow in to the house. Then like a flash she runs to get her parents. As she rushes in to the room and leap on to the bed she yells “Mom! Dad! The sliding door has been broken a tree fell or something, Wake up!” But no answer. She shakes them vigorously but no movement. She reaches over her mother and clicks on her lamp.

Then as she is sitting over her mother she looks down and sees the corpse of her mother throat slit eyes open in terror. She then looks over at her Father. His corpse cold and throat slit as well. With shock and terror. Julie covers her mouth and screams. “Oh my God!” Julie then runs to her older brothers room. “Hector someone killed Mom and Dad!” As she reaches his bed there is Hector sitting straight up in his bed eye wide open in terror. A knife stuck in his chest. He flops over as Julie grabs him. In anguish and terror Julie yelps “No, no , no, no, please!” Julie weeps as she looks at her older brother Hectors stiff body. Then it hits her. “My friends! Oh God my friends!” She runs in to her room and slips in something wet. As she falls on her knees she looks at her hands. The blood was dark and red. She crawls over to her friends sleeping bags and grabs the flash light. Flips it on and is horrified at the scene.

There were her two friends bags soaked red with blood and the bodies slashes horribly. There faces were white as snow and eyes wide open in terror with there mouths open like they had been screaming. Throats slashed and bleeding. Not able to stand it any longer Julie breaks down in to tears and moans of shock, anguish and terror. Then she hears the foot steps. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! And the sound of something scrapping against the wall. SCRAPE!

Julie scrambles to her bedroom closet and closes the door behind her. Inside she leans against the wall behind her clothes and just waits. Praying that she is not discovered. The foot steps become louder, and louder. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! Then they stop. It is completely silent. Julie holds her breath trying not to make a sounds. Then when she can no longer hold her breath. She tries to exhale as quietly and slowly as possible. Tears stream down her face and she squeezes her self in to a ball in the corner of the closet. As it gets later and later Julie becomes tired. The ordeal has exhausted her and she fights the urge to sleep but it is no use. She loses consciousness and is asleep in no time. When she comes to she is in a hospital bed and a woman in a nurses uniform is looking down on her. “You have had quite an ordeal young lady!” The Nurse leaves the room. As she slowly becomes aware of her surroundings she realizes she is in Hospital.

Feeling safe from harm and relieved she actually survived! Julie breaks down and cries for her family and friends that were brutally murdered. As she is able to contain herself, Julie crawls out of her bed to look out the window. As she goes to open the closed curtains she knocks against the wall. Throwing open the curtains she sees a wall and No window! “What is going on?” As Julie turns around to the sound of the door closing behind her she sees the “Nurse” take off her wig to reveal a Man face scared and ugly. He is holding needle in his hand.

Then the room starts to spin and Julie falls to the floor. Looking up at him he says, “Well I guess I won’t need the second dose. You are mine now, sweetie!” As she looses consciousness She feels him lift her up and place her back in the bed kissing her on the head.

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do you like my writing?

Posted on 08. Apr, 2011 by Lighting Expert.

4

this is first draft of the first chapter of my new novel.Please don’t point out grammatical errors,and such things…..i want critcism about the narrative itself…does it flow well??can you visualize the scene??so on……(i’m just 16)

Chapter1

It was nearly midnight. A tall, broad shouldered man walked down the gravel lane. On both sides of the lane grew lush, newly irrigated grass. The man climbed the first two stony steps, bulging out of the ground in front of the oak door. The house was silent under the glimmering stars. The man knocked twice with his knuckles, and waited. Nothing stirred, for a few seconds, inside the house, but a moment later the yellowish light of the living room filtered through the drawn curtains of the front window, and the door swung open.

A man in his sleeping pajamas gazed at the unexpected guest. ”Byron??”As the nearly awake man spoke in vivid astonishment, the guest pushed forward without even being invited. His black, leather coat ruffled behind him casting a dark shadow under the light of the living room where, a moment later, he was standing. The man closed the door, and followed his guest with dismay over his bony, long face. The guest took off his coat and threw it over one of the long couches. His round face was reddish under the heat of the small lamp that swayed down the ceiling over his head, where a few white hairs spiked out on both sides, just above his long ears.

Byron gazed up at the man who seemed to be struggling to pull himself off a long sleep.He kept on rubbing his eyes,that were rimmed with with blue circles.

“Won’t you show me some hospitality Elliot?.It had been a long time since last I saw you,ten years,I guess”Byron said,sitting on the coach beside his coat”I’m not here to waste my time.There’s an old unsettled business I need to finish with you”